#202 / 2011 Oaxaca May

MORE DREAMS OFJOE

#202

MAY 21

Another series of dreams; I wake up in between each one. The first two are happy, fulfilling dreams – fleeting. But on the third dream, very strong, I think Joe was sending me a message. I had cried myself to sleep that night and prayed to Joe to please come and visit me again. I had been so lonely and miserable even as I walked around and took in the enchanting city of Oaxaca.

In the dream I am in a large stadium, part of a crowd of thousands. All of us in this place are aware that it is about to be bombed. There is a man down on the field, like the ringmaster in a circus. It is his job to point out  ten people per row who will be subjected to the bombing; all others will not be in danger.

And of course, lucky me, I am chosen to be subjected to the bombing. They begin and I crawl under the bleachers for protection. I feel the shock of the bombing, see dust scatter through the light, as I lie there.

Of course I am scared, when all of a sudden an anonymous hand drops down under the bleachers directly in my line of vision. I grab it, hold it to my face, cling to it and hold on tight for comfort and strength. It certainly felt to me as if I were holding Joe’s hand,  I never doubted it belong to anyone else but him and I survived the bombing just fine.

And those were the end of my dreams for a long time. I struggle with this. I want to at least dream of Joe, to keep him close and real in my mind, but I also have this inner knowledge that it is not easy for Joe to leave whatever he is doing to come and tend to my neediness and attachment.

Beatlick Joe Speer was the most spiritually advanced person I have ever personally met. I’ve never known a guru or shaman. He was all of that. And I know in my heart he has important things to do wherever he is and I burden him when I beg him to come see me. So I try not to.



FRIDAY, JUNE 3


I saw a movie last night, Off the Map, with Sam Elliott. It is all about a family in New Mexico living off the grid. It made me realize New Mexico is my home. It reminded me so much of my friends in Pojuaque, John and Maria, and Joe's goddaughter Maya, that I had a revelation. I know in my heart -  New Mexico is my home.


I went to the healer yesterday and later I will write all about it. When I saw the movie last night I cried again for the first time in a week, but it was a different kind of cry. I was so overwhelmed by this movie and the knowledge of all the friends and love I have waiting for me there in New Mexico.


And like a miracle, I come to get my email today and the apartment in Albuquerque is ready for me. I am paid up until June 27 here and then I will begin my long trek home. Will rent a truck and move everything out of the storage shed and up to Albuquerque.


I am floating on air.