#164 / 2010 Winter: Las Cruces

DECEMBER 10

#164

To Dana:

It’s late on Friday night, we got a hotel room on our last night on the road. This morning when Joe used the restroom there was blood all over the toilet paper. When I gave him his shot he bled too.

This shook me up, seeing all that blood. It makes me wonder now is there more cancer elsewhere. Of course there is nothing to know until we see the doctors in Las Cruces. I drank a big beer and had two glasses of wine today.

I’m afraid I’m self medicating. I can’t really drink much or I will get sick with a bladder infection, I have to pace myself, but I used that beer to take the edge off, trying to forget all that blood I saw this morning. By night we just attributed it to the blood thinners. I pray, I pray. I’m so fearful for Joe, I don’t want him to be in pain or uncomfortable and he won’t complain. He always tells me he feels just fine, but I worry.