Monday, December 5, 2011

@220 / 2011 Winter: Albuquerque

PUBLISHING PAMELA HIRST
#220








In the following 200 or so blogs I have documented my last 10 years of travel. Originally these reports were sent to my private email list - about 150 folks - who have followed Beatlick Joe Speer and me as we traveled around in our VW van promoting and publishing poetry.

"Beatlick News: A Poetry & Arts Newsletter" has been transformed to Beatlick Press, home based in Albuquerque, NM. We are going full speed on that and currently offer two titles with four more in progress. Beatlick News will continue online with the Beatlick website as the "Poetry" page. 

www.beatlick.com 


This blog is my way of coping with the death of Joe. It is also a way of honoring and documenting all he stood for, all we stood for. His book speaks for itself. It was a wonderful life, but that life is over. It is my goal to establish another one here in my new home of Albuquerque. 


Following Joe's death I endeavored to archive much of his literature and thoughts. His book "Backpack Trekker: A 60's Flashback" has been published and is available. Key in the ISBN  number 9781456548773 at:

Click here to see Joe's book at Amazon.com

Or order here, the best deal for me:


Joe's personal library is archived at his beloved alma mater New Mexico State University as well as 22 years of Beatlick News: A Poetry & Arts Newsletter, no longer in  print. 

Beatlick Joe's facebook website continues to document thoughts on his work and his deeds.


Following this report I will close my travel journals; it's the end of an era. 

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#219 / 2011 Winter Albuquerque: Dreaming

NOVEMBER 15
#219


I must confess I had entreated Joe to come again to visit. And he did:

We are in a small auditorium with a large panoramic bank of windows situated close to the ceiling. Joe and I are looking out this long slash of ground level glass. The base of this building seems to be underground quite a few feet and we are situated in this large room with carpeted aisles and different levels of desks with computers and large monitor screens. It looks like a TV production facility somewhat. We are alone.

Joe and I are on separate corners of the room. As we gaze out these windows it is quite apparent that an entire city population is evacuating. A long silhouette of vehicles ribbons across the horizon. Of course I start complaining. “I really wish we were going with all those people.”

But Joe is emphatic that he has no intention of going anywhere; we are safe where we are. And in fact there is this bunker-like feel to the room, all the commotion seems far removed from us. Plus I get the impression Joe has work to do in this place and he is reluctant to leave his responsibility.

So I gaze up again at all the chaos and realize how tranquil we are, staying put. So I acquiesce, feeling safe.

Fade to black.

And that is all I have left to report. I have come to the end of my adventures with Beatlick Joe.

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#218 / 2011 Winter Albuquerque: Home

I CAN CALL UPON YOU NO MORE
#218


I am so concerned
about this place
you have gone to.

This place so unavailable to me
This location of your mother
and my mother.

I can not imagine you
without your pens, your
small notebooks, your dictionary,
your camera

Do you still take long walks
or do you just hover in the air
like an angel?











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#217 / 2011 July Albuquerque: My Birthday

JULY IN ALBUQUERQUE
#217


July 1
my birthday


July in Albuquerque
under the sign of  cancer
the tardy monsoon has begun.

The rain brings my tears.

I do not want to be labeled
by my grief, and yet,
it is all I have
and the flowers.

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#216 / 2011 June Oaxaca: The Long Ride Home

THE LONG RIDE HOME
#216

When AeroMexico began raising fares I decided to take a bus back to the States. This reminds me of when I rode in a VW van from Nashville to Alaska back in the 80s. There again I didn't educate myself on how far I was traveling. On the way to Alaska, when I got to the Canadian border, I figured we just had a few more hundred miles to go. Little did I know the route was two thousand miles further on up the Al-Can Highway.

When I got on the bus to Mexico City the ride was less than eight hours. So I wrongly assumed maybe twelve or fifteen more hours, twenty tops, and I would be pulling into El Paso. WRONG!!! I was on that bus for three days.

The Mexican buses are great, very plush if you take the high-end ones. Most of the scary stuff happens on the small buses that travel from the small towns north to the border. 


One of the aspects of my trip is to guage how safe it is to travel around here and I want to mention that when I went to Monte Alban I met two beautiful young women who DROVE from Mexico City to Oaxaca.

 I was astonished but they said it was no big deal. They did take an autopista toll road and it cost about thirty dollars to get on the road. They went through one checkpoint and had absolutely no problems. One girl was born and raised in Washington DC and was a reporter and editor for Fox News. She worked the graveyard shift.


The other girl or chica was Japanese, worked for an accounting firm in Mexico City, and has lived there for five years. They were both extremely attractive and the Japanese girl Kara spoke three languages.

So it was through their information that I chose the bus with no apprehension whatsoever. My bus was going down the major interstate system. Certainly I encountered no danger and this bus ride was far different than the one from Mazatlan to El Paso which went through so much primitive territory.

The best part of the bus ride is all of the movies the driver shows. I thought it was a sign when the German movie, "Cherry Blossoms" was shown. Joe Somoza and Jill turned me on to this movie. It is about a man who loses his wife. He fulfills her dreams, wears her clothes: All these things I was doing and Joe saw the similarities in me and that is why he told me about the film.

Indeed, I was again wearing the last pair of Joe's underwear, gross jockey shorts. I wore them for good luck and comfort. They served me well, protected me from all harm, but not pain.

So the movies on the bus helped, but it was a very long ride. I might have gotten to Albuquerque in two days but when we finally pulled into Juarez I had missed the bus to El Paso by fifteen minutes. So it was another night sleeping on a hard floor. I got a 5 a.m. ride out the next morning.

Absolutely no danger lurked inside or outside the bus in the entire three days I was on it. I just want to emphasize how overblown I think all the danger reports are regarding travel in Mexico. You have to be cautious; you don't want to hang out in the border towns; but Mexico was my haven, my safe harbor to grieve, to cry, to make a spectacle of myself and my pain. Always, always, I encountered kindness, understanding, and words of comfort.

The striking teachers are the biggest political memory I have. And there protests unfolded with safety, despite what has happened in years past. So don't be afraid of Mexico, just be practical.

The bus pulled up in El Paso and I hopped another bus to Albuquerque. Deborah Coy picked me up at the bus station downtown and I moved into my new home; she is my landlady now. Deb and Jon VerPlough, her husband, are the very people who took Joe and I in when he was dying. They offered him a death bed. And he used it.

Now I live in a small apartment attached to their home. I find comfort in being near where Joe died. I often go into that bedroom when I am in their end of the house to convene with him. 
Pamela Adams Hirst
45 Garden Park Circle NW
Albuquerque, NM 87107

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#215 / 2011 June Oaxaca: Healers II

OAXACA HEALING TWO
#215

The time has long lapsed since I should have finished my travel reports. Here I am going to recall my second healing experience in Oaxaca.

Now for my experience in healing Energy Therapy, specifically, the Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT.

In the Oaxacan retreat where I lived there was a lovely woman from Cape Cod. Her name was Cynthia. She was important in booking events in literary circuits in Boston back in the day. She had met Ferlinghetti and knew so many other literatti.

She has permanently moved to Oaxaca. One day she offered to give me a healing session. It was far different from the one I had with Doña Queta, an old traditional healing.

Cynthia sat on a couch on one side of the room. I sat across from her. She began counseling me by helping me to remember moments in time when I had felt wonderful, complete.

I recalled when Beatlick Joe and I got hired onto a sailboat. I loved it when we would pull into a new beach. I would wear my Frida Kahlo wrap, grab ahold of the forward mast and sail into a new bay. I felt exotic, free and oh so special.

Cynthia encouraged me to recall this scene of peace and tranquility whenever I felt sad. 
She also taught me to take hold of my wrist and say "peace."

We continued on this way for a while, working on my mental visualization techniques. Then she asked me to close my eyes and she began some affirmations.

She called me brave. She endorsed me. And then she began to speak the words neither Joe nor I ever said out loud.

"It's so unfair," she said so gently. "So many dreams have been lost."

She encouraged me to embrace myself whenever I wanted to recall holding Joe. And this is when I lost it. I held onto my own self and wailed.

Joe and I never said it was unfair. We never asked why. We just accepted our fate. I knew how lucky I have been for 22 years. Now that was going to have to be enough for my lifetime. But to hear someone verbalize what I couldn't: It isn't fair, my dreams are lost. 

And with that emotional breakdown we ended my session. Cynthia said obviously I wasn't quite ready. 

Finding my yoga teacher in Oaxaca was most helpful. In my sessions I began to come back to myself again. For all the months since Joe died I truly had  no idea who I was or what I was going to stand for anymore. Slowly through the yoga my true spirit began to re-enter my body.

But as the months have gone by I have used Cynthia's visualization techniques. I often grab my wrist now and speak the word "peace."

I can still see myself pulling into exotic bays on that sailboat and God knows I try to go to that happy place. 

I dread Christmas this year without Joe. I will be in Santa Fe housesitting. I still seek solitude, I am far from being over losing the most important man in my life.

But God has given me back my son. For anyone who followed my blogs over the years, Doug and I had a rough go of it for over five years. But all of that is behind me. 

He came to see me recently and the comraderie we enjoyed filled an awfully big hole in my heart. So I have that intimacy with my boy again, and for now, that is enough.

Love you all,
Beatlick Pamela

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#214 / 2011 June Oaxaca: Healers

OAXACAN HEALERS
#214

I had three spiritual healings while I was in Oaxaca if I include my yoga sessions. Some were more traditional than others. This is the first report about my session with the native curandera and midwife "Doña Queta":

There is a healer in Oaxaca known as “Doña Queta” Zapoteca Woman of the Clouds. Midwife-Healer Enriqueta Conteras Contreras comes from the Sierra Júarez, a high-altitude area of pine forests. I quote from María Margarita Navár, her interpreter and biographer:

Traditional medicine, with its great knowledge of herbalism, has been supported by the exuberant variety of flora and fauna that stands out in this Mesoamerican region. For centuries it has been the basis of the health care of these populations.

At the age of seven Doña Queta was given away to neighbors by her mother, a remarried widow. Abandoned in the nearby mountains to tend goats, she almost starved. She said, “I could hardly bear my hunger pangs, so I began to eat tender plants little fruits and leaves that grew in the countryside. This is how I learned about medicinal and edible plants.”

The curandera comes from a lineage of traditional healers and explains, “I was born with the gift of healing,” she claims.
After a full career in public health Doña Queta now resides a 15-minute cab ride outside of Oaxaca City. She has a healing center in her home and that is now where she receives people such as myself for spiritual healings of many varieties.

I came to see Doña Queta in order to continue the spiritual pilgrimages I have commenced since moving to the Southwest almost 10 years ago. This one, my fifth, was of particular significance as I had just lost my boyfriend less than three months before our meeting.

Ringing the doorbell at Calle de Libertad, a dusty unpaved street on the most remote corner of the San Francisco, Tutla, an assistant showed me through the beautiful adobe home to a foyer with an enormous sweat lodge dominating the space. Doña Queta rounded the corner.

Through an interpreter, by phone, I had made this arrangement. I had mentioned Margarita Navár as my contact person. I mentioned that I needed spiritual healing and had recently lost my life’s partner. As soon as I sat down on a bench and had time to take off my straw hat and lay it aside the “curandera” walked into the foyer and in one swoop opened her arms up wide and completely embraced me.

I was at once flattered and amazed. I had been told I might only get to see an assistant, Doña Queta was getting up in age and might be frail. But all it took was one look at her to see she was glowing and robust, and in the manner of her many woman of her culture, she was short and stout.

In my broken Spanish I told her of my great sorrow and my inability to stop crying. Later, not wanting to spend all the time talking about myself, I spoke to her of her friends and admirers in New Mexico who had sent me. I asked about her health and after informing me she was quite well, we began. First I was asked to take off my blouse and wristwatch, I kept my bra and slacks on.

Then I was escorted into a small room painted light blue I think with a small altar and candles and incense. It was cool and slightly dim. I became a little chilled.

She took some of the flowers which I had brought her and placed one under each of my feet, then she placed one flower in each hand. She sat beside me in her own chair and began to pray in Spanish. I could tell she was praying to El Senor on my behalf, praying for me to have peace of mind and a comforted heart. At one point she began to swing the sweetest song, it was melodic, a simple tune, but so sweet and pleasant to the ear and quite unlike any tune I had ever heard before.

Doña Queta came around and told me to stay focused on the candles on the altar. Then she picked up a bunch of basil and began to rub my chest with it, rather hard. She robustly rubbed it till my sternum hurt, it was almost becoming uncomfortable when she stopped and instructed me to hold the basil against my chest myself.

Then she stepped behind me. I heard her sing-song chant again as I stared straight ahead into the candlelight, earnestly clutching my basil with tears flowing down my face.
All of a sudden I heard a sort of grunt/shout and a splash of water soaked the back of my head. I levitated out of my chair almost, I was so taken aback, so suddenly.

Then my curandera stepped to the front, took a big swallow of water into her mouth from a plastic bottle and blew it out forcefully all over my body. She did this seven times, behind me, in front of me, to the side of me. She even pulled out the waistband of my slacks  and blew down my pants. My hair and body was drenched by the time she finished.

Once again she came and stood beside me and began to sing and pray on my behalf. Doña Queta is not too tall so as she stood beside me her rather ample bosom was right beside my right ear. I was crying, trying so hard to be in the best, most receptive state I could muster. As her sweet song continued I gave into the overwhelming urge I had to simply bend to the right and lay my head right on her chest. A sob escaped and she merely stroked my head so gently, slowly, just like a mother would comfort a small child. I was quite overcome.

A few moments passed and I raised my head, looked at her in gratitude, then settled my gaze back on the candles. I was warm by now despite how wet my skin and hair were. The prayer song ended and it was indicated to me that our session was over. About 15 or 20 minutes had passed.

I heard Doña Queta go into the next chamber and I could her spitting. She was expunging all the negativity she had absorbed from my spirit.

After sufficient time had passed for me to put my blouse back on and gather up my hat and bag Doña Queta stepped back into the foyer and indicated that I should come into another room. It had two beds in there and I wondered if I was supposed to take a nap after the session or something. But it was what was on the shelves that was so important, the herbal remedies.

I was given floral and herbal tonics for sorrow and emotional distress. About 15 drops from each bottle daily, plus some herbs in a capsule for my general good health. Upon sampling them I decided they must have had a base of mescal as they were definitely of an alcoholic content. I also bought a second book about the curandera. The total came to about $100 US.

So I paid up and asked about the transportation back to town. Doña Queta told me not to worry. What I found so funny and telling and almost fun about my curandera was that as soon as I paid her she was ready to go to town to the market and buy more herbs for her practice. So we both hopped into a cab she called and headed back to downtown Oaxaca.

Doña Queta wished me the best as I stepped out of the cab. I did feel better. I had so appreciated how she had stroked my head and comforted me. I had flashed back to one of the few times in my life that I remembered my mother brushing her cool hand across my heated face one time when I was young and upset.

I went home in a peaceful state of mind. I saw a movie that night that reminded me so much of my friends back in New Mexico. It became very clear to me that night that I wanted to live in Albuquerque, wanted to see my friends there again, be near them again. When I checked my email the next morning, I was told the apartment I had been hoping to get was now available.

All this happened within twelve hours of my meeting Doña Queta. I arrived in Oaxaca completely lost and confused. Within one day of my visit with the curandera my path was laid out before me so clearly and my future became secured.
Beatlick Pamela

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#213 / 2011 Oaxaca June: My Tribute Poem

REMEMBERING OAXACA
#213


Remembering Oaxaca

I visualize six-inch stilettos
on five-hundred year old cobblestones;

the zocolo plaza
obscured by blue tarps
sheltering teachers
protesting inequality by day,
sleeping on cardboard by night.

Six years before
striking teachers were machine gunned
from overhead helicopters
sent by the governor. Bravely
they march shoulder to shoulder.

I recall Santo Domingo de Guzman
a majestic Mexican Baroque temple
built in 1575 and the beggars
outside, alongside
the  most expensive tour guides in town.

Along the route de la Republica
many generations are represented
by this Parade of Heroes, glorified men
honored with concrete statues in their images, all
adorned by scarlet-eyed pigeons.

Sebastian Lerdo de Tejada
Mariano Escobedo
Angel Albino Corzo
Ign ácio Rameriz
General Ignacio Pesqueira Garc ía
Ignacio Zara Goza
Francisco Zarco
Imperiously they gaze down upon me.
I feel insignificant.

Tuesday night at Café Babel
Juan Gonzales hosting open mic;
my beautiful yoga teacher Laurie Thompson
smoking cigaraettes, downing mezcal;
me, too.

I never get a hangover
I tell Laurie
“It is all in the ‘espiritu’”
she said.

Alejandro on the bongos, guitars
Late in the night I stand in the doorway watching
fat raindrops on wet streets
as  I wait for a taxi to pass by.
Here I feel significant.

I remember  the market, the shops, me carrying bags
as I pass by an old beggar women by the church.
She is tiny with her twig arms outstretched
“Tengo hambre,” she pleads.
“I am  hungry.”

I scurry past her
my bulging shopping sacks
brushing past her rags and bones.

I am far too encumbered
with my purchases
rugs, vases, linens;
my hands are too occupied
to dig out any change I might have.
It would be too awkward.

I am awkward as I hurry past her
with no eye contact.
Never
have I felt so small.

I am the ugly American.





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#212 / 2011 June Oaxaca: Tribute to my Landlords

TERE Y FERNANDO
 my tribute poem to them
#212
Fernando stands underneath the poem "A Sailer's Prayer"

(Translations below)

Llegué al mi santuario Los Nogales Villas
sola, triste, y con no curso claro.
En esto oasis de Oaxaca
la estancia de Tere y Fernando Gomez
diario pasaba una poema
escribe en un muro a la puerta:

              *
Una Marinero Traza Su Curso

Si mi voz muriera en tierra
llevadla al nivel del mar
y nombradla capitana de un
“Blanco Bajel de Guerra”

Oh mi voz condecorada
con la insignia marinera
sobre el corozón una ancla
y sobre la ancla una estrella
y sobre la estrella el viento
y sobre el viento una vela

                 *

Ahora yo he aprovechado todos
Oaxaca tiene ofrecer:
arte, musica, mezcal y poesia.
Amigos y amigas, estoy llena
En escaldando luz del dia
acepto el hecho
tu has ido de ésto mundo

Conocido las solas estrellas
de la noche
yo trazo mi curso propio
allá de bajo de La Cruz del Sur
del cielo.

              *

Mi Poema Propio

Si mi voz muriera legos de mi casa
Llevadla a la cumbre de montaña
y lanzadla en el viento

Llevadla a la cumbre de los montañas
y nombradla hefes grandes
en la pais de los Hopis Indios

Y mi voz condecorada
con la cruz de plata
sobre la cruz escribe “Jose”

Dejadle al viento
encontrar el camino
por la estrellas de la noch
 a nueva casa

Ahora en mi santuario
encuentro my curso
Afuera la puerta
y entre el mundo.

           *

Tere y Fernando

I arrived in my sanctuary at Los Nogales Villas
alone, sad, with no clear course
In this oasis of Oaxaca
the grand home of Tere and Hernando Gomez,
daily I passed a poem
written on a wall by the door:

            *
A MARINER’S PRAYER

If my voice should die on land
take me to sea level
and leave me on the waters

Take me down to the sea
and mention my name
to the capitan of the ship
“White Belly of War”

Decorate my voice
with a mariner’s insignia
with my heart an anchor
and upon that anchor a star
and upon the star the wind
and upon the wind a sail
        *


MY OWN POEM


Now that I have taken advantage of all
Oaxaca has to offer:
Art, music, mezcal and poetry.
Friends, I am full.

In the scalding light of day
I accept the fact
that you have gone from this world.

I am acquainted with the lonely stars
of night.
Now I plan my own course
here under the Southern Cross
of heaven.
         

          *
I found the course for my own path here at Los Nogales Villas. 

MY OWN POEM 

If my voice should die
far from my home
carry it to the top of the mountains
and toss it to the wind

Take it to the top
of the mountains
and mention my name
to the Great Hopi chiefs
in all the pueblos

And decorate my voice
with a silver cross
and upon the cross.
enscribe “Jose”

Hurl it to the wind
to find a new path
by the light
of the evening stars

           *

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#211 / 2011 June Oaxaca: My Landlords

MY LANDLORDS
#211



These are my landlords, Tere and her husband Fernando. Tere is from an indiginous Indian tribe; Fernando inherited this property from his grandparents. And they spend all their time out on the grounds of their expansive establishment. 

The outfit Tere is wearing, she made herself. She said it took 22 years! Tere was so kind to me. When I was working on my poems for Nuevo Babel I would ring the bell at her gate and she would help me edit and correct my spelling errors.

If I didn't show my face around the courtyard for a day or two, she would always come and knock on my door to check up on me. I often cloistered myself away, sometimes for days at a time. I was touched by her kindness and her perception.

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#210 / 2011 June Oaxaca: The Oaxaca Lending Library

THE OAXACA LENDING LIBRARY
#210


Home of the Ex-Pats


When I was up in Santa Fe I looked up a friend Beatlick Joe and I met as we were stationed in our van outside a hotel in Marfa, Texas. "Sparks" befriended us and invited us in to use his shower. He even came out to see us when we were parked in Truth or Consequences for the month of February last year. 


Sparks gave me a contact name in Oaxaca: Conrad. I found him totally by accident. One day when my balcony mate Kurt was discussing the library he mentioned Conrad's  name. I just knew this was the Conrad I was working for. 


As it turned out Sparks' friend was a volunteer at the Oaxaca Lending Library. It was a unique place. Mostly it was run by ex-pats like Conrad. I went there often to use the computers, translate my poetry, and in general to find someone to converse with in English.


It wasn't too long a walk, probably fifteen blocks or so, some of the major parks and markets in town. Although I never made it, on Saturdays they held a soiree where English-speaking folks mingled with the Spanish-speaking folks. This is where my friend Cynthia met her retired British barrister.


Conrad was always a good source of information. I told him all about Joe's book and my journaling. He encouraged me to write about the ex-pats in Oaxaca instead of myself and my experiences. "They've all got a story," he advised.

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#209 / 2011 June Oaxaca

JUNE 22
#209



SUMMER SOLSTICE

Mi voz es en el viento
mis lágrimas en las gotas
cayendóse del balcon



My voice is in the wind
my tears in the raindrops
falling from the balcony


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Sunday, December 4, 2011

#208 / 2011 June Oaxaca: Friends Visit

PIECE BY PIECE
#208


I was putting myself back together piece by piece. It was so wonderful to hear Gary Brower and Jim Gay confirm they were coming to Oaxaca. I was in a time warp, floating, testing the limits. I was looking for me. I needed to touch base with something  or somebody familiar.


I remember so specifically one day, early on, I was so sad and just started walking. Tears were streaming. I had on sunglasses and a straw hat. An independent tour guide called me out, asked me had we not met earlier at the world's oldest tree. That is one of the iconic places to visit around here. I hadn't been there. 


It was his ploy and I knew it, but I was so full of pain; so I just sat down next to him and let him commence a conversation. Then I blubbered in my Spanish all about my dead boyfriend, tears gushing; it was a Sunday morning.


"Don't worry so much," he said and his eyes diverted. But he had served his purpose. I just unloaded my grief everywhere I went and one everyone I encountered. There were no boundaries. 


So my two Placitas, New Mexico friends arrived on Jim's pyramid picture taking tour. They stayed at The Bougainvillea, a swank hotel downtown with an atrium and air conditioning. I got to join them for one of the elegant breakfast services. We ate in the nice restaurants and tried out the mole.


Gary got a little ill and we made the tour of doctor's offices and pharmacies. It was good to know how easily medical attention could be gained at a reasonable expense. 


Although I must say the young female concierge at The Bougainvillea, who had the Oaxacan father and American mother and traveled back and forth from the US to Oaxaca, could make anything happen. Gary would just go tell her what he wanted and she would get all the information together and do it, book it, whatever was needed. 


They wined me and dined me for four days. I got to experience quite a few things I wouldn't have been able to on my own. When alone I did most of my own cooking, experimenting with local recipes. I must say of all the mole we tasted, I think the mole I got from the market was the best tasting to me. 


I introduced Gary and Jim to Cynthia, following their arrival by taxi to our modest sanctuary. Gary held in hand the newest issue of "Malpais Review" with his tribute section to Beatlick Joe. So I got to share that with Cynthia.


She shared her knowledge of the local artists and writers with Gary. Tere Gomez our landlady came by to visit with Gary and Jim as well. We also went to the Nuevo Babel Café all together on a Sunday night to listen to Juan Gonzales. There they met my  yoga teacher, Laurie Thompson. 


So the two of them left with a good idea of Oaxacan society and some of the ex-patriot artists and writers there. And again, they were there for me during very hard times. It was Gary and Jim who took in Beatlick Joe and me while I was finishing Joe's book.

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