#146 / 2010 Winter: San Destin: Sacred Heart Hospital

REACHING OUT

#146

All the correspondence is really a help. Two friends from Albuquerque even volunteered to fly Joe and me home at their expense. It wasn't necessary for our needs but still I was overwhelmed by all the kindness.

There are some people I am really telling all to, in private emails, I don't want Joe to read any of my reports on the group travel list that I think might concern him. But with my friend Irene Kenigson, in her 80s with all that wisdom, I get real:

....................................................

Dear Irene, thank you for thinking of Joe. We need your good thoughts and prayers and are tremendously grateful for them.

I am drawing on something deep inside of me, my better self. I will not be sad around Joe, I am going to stay positive and cheerful while we are in this room. Alone in the van I scream and scream. It feels good to let it out. I hope no one calls security about the crazy woman out in the parking lot making all of that noise.

I know we have some time together still, but we won't be growing old together like I imagined, into our 90s. I will be alone. I can't imagine how I will go on without Joe. I don't mean to be self pitying but having this reality sink in has been bone chilling. I am still in shock.

I love you, your messages mean so much. We both love you and value your friendship.

Pamela