#188 / 2011 Winter: Santa Fe

SANTA FE WRITING WORKSHOP II

#188

You were my source of comfort and my pleasure. With you I didn’t need friends. You were my bottomless emotional well to draw from everyday. I invested all my emotional energy in you; it was a good investment.

Now I am like one of Barney Madoff’s scammed clients – everything that brought me comfort and peace is gone. Will my suffering bring me soothing thoughts eventually? Fever, fever. Fever yeah I burn for sooth.

I found a moment in the garden the other day – a lamb’s ear, daffodil moment  on a sunny day - that if not exactly soothing, did at least allow me to fill up that hole for just a moment, a fleeting moment. In the darkest hour of winter, beneath that soil, how those bulbs ached for the light. Perseverance has allowed them to erupt. I swept the cobblestone patio until it was devoid of all those dead, decaying leaves.

I shopped for three weeks without enjoyment. Only the artistic projects have, if not soothed me, filled my heart with price and contentment for that one moment , fleeting moment. I made beautiful little books of Joe's poetry, restrung my pearl necklace. 

I saw a tulip today, lipstick red. I saw a daffodil, Amarillo. All through the winter they were relentlessly aching, yearning for the light. Until they found it on a mountain top in Santa Fe.

Foresooth, soothsayer, suffering yeah I burn for sooth.