#40 / 2004 Tour 3: Big Bend, Texas

BIG BEND

#40

Finally after all the plans and ten years of waiting, I am back in Big Bend. It is such a huge place and the last time I was here I got scared when it starting getting dark. It was during a day trip to the hot springs, I got so overwhelmed when the shadows began lengthening and the bull rushes started creating shadowy figures that I fled the canyon.

So we have returned, but after all the rain in Texas and the flooding, it simply will not be. My fantasy has evaporated along with the hot springs. They will return when the Rio Grande recedes, but someone will have to shovel out all the silt. I doubt that will be me.

       
So we opt for other adventures. As it is Joe’s agenda, of course, he has me driving my precious van down the most challenging roads. We are camping in four campsites during the course of the week.

       
My sister is going to Disneyworld for the week of Christmas and will be spending a god-awful amount of money, literally thousands of dollars. I wrote her and included some photos of our campsites with the caption:

       
My Disneyworld:

       One week pass to Big Bend National Park: $15

       One week of groceries                                      35

       Campground fees for one week                       00

       Peace and solitude: Priceless!

       
Out here just above the Chihuahua Desert we spent Thanksgiving Day with mashed potatoes and gravy. We sincerely gave thanks for all we have and our family members that are left.

                
At night a little burro brays. He has crossed the Rio Grande is search of food in the campgrounds. Last night for the first time I heard wolves and thought he might be gone. But this morning he was whistling and bleating his lonely little sound after the hooting of an owl.

       
Here in the vast desert I have dreamed of Mother three nights in a row. In my first dream I saw Mama and in the dream I told a friend, “When I see my mother I know I am dreaming.” I was really surprised when I dreamed of her again the next night. I grabbed the opportunity and moved close to her. I sniffed her, hugged and kissed her. I held her so tight, and then she was gone. On the third night’s dream she was even clearer than ever. She was strong and happy. Once again I held on to her for all it was worth for as long as I could. These dreams make me so happy, content. I hope she comes again.

       
Quote from a book I am reading:

       I never grew from the curve of my mother’s arms…She tore herself away from the run 
      of my life like a riverbank, she had vanished, a great surrounding shore, leaving me to 
      spill out alone.

       Lulu Nanabush, “Love Medicine.”